Friendship – Part 5 – Saying the Hard Things

Thought #5: Great Friends say the hard things.

The Bible says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Nothing could be more true. For the past 4 days we’ve talked about laughing together, and bringing out the best in each other, and believing and trusting in our friendships. But truly great friends, don’t shy away from the hard stuff, just because it’s hard.

True friendship is about saying what needs to be said, in a spirit of love and encouragement, even when it’s hard. No, especially when it’s hard.

One of my best friends, Mike Ash, calls it, “Putting the friend above the friendship.”

There will inevitably be times in our friendships where we are called upon to say the hard thing, even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s true friendship. That’s true love.

? Are you willing to say the hard things, in a spirit of love, when you need to?

? When was the last time one of your friends said the hard thing to you? Do you think your friends feel comfortable saying the hard things to you? Why or why not?

? Are you willing to invite the hard thing conversations?

Have a great weekend,

Matt

Friendship – Part 4 – Bringing out the Best in Each Other

Thought #4:  Great Friends bring out the Best in Us.

There’s no question in my mind that one of the primary roles of a friend is to bring out the best in the other person.  It should be our aim to encourage and call out the best that lives within those closest to us.

I take this role seriously in my friendships.  I believe God has put us together so we can help each other become better than we ever could be alone.

? Do you bring out the best in your friends?

? Do they bring out the best in you?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship – Part 3 – Laughing Together

Thought #3: True Friends Laugh together.

I love to laugh. In fact, I tend to believe that funny things happen in our lives everyday, most of us are just too serious to actually see them. Anyway, one of the great unifiers of friendship is laughter.

Laughter can breakthrough walls like nothing else can. The best way to cause people to be at ease is through laughter. Great bonds of friendship exist when the guard of our heart is taken down. Laughter can do that like few other things can.

Laughter creates a shared experience like nothing else can. When we laugh together, something deeper happens. Laughter can burn memories into our hearts like few other things can.

Laughter makes people feel encouraged like nothing else can. Have you ever shared an evening laughing with someone and as you left you noticed that you felt better about yourself, your life and your friendship? That’s the power of laughter.

I love to laugh with my friends.

? Who do you laugh with on a regular basis?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship – Part 2 – More than Negativity

Thought #2: I need more than negativity to establish a friendship.

I often say that, “The least common denominator of unity is negativity.” In other words, if you want to get on someone’s good side, all you have to do is find what they don’t like and agree with them! It’s sad but true. Try it. It really works.

Although that may be a good strategy for finding common ground with an enemy or a stranger, it’s a bad strategy for friendships. Friends need more in common than just their enemies. In fact, truly great friendships have a few common characteristics.

1. They share common interests. Great friends unite around things that both people enjoy. Golf, TV Shows, a hobby, etc.

2. They share a common cause. A second level for friendships is a common cause. When two people have a shared purpose or goal, the potential for the friendship to increase goes up exponentially.

3. They share a common foundation. A third level for a friendship is in the core beliefs of the two people involved. When two people share a belief system or core conviction, that brings a baseline of stability and longevity to the friendship that is unmatched.

? What unites you and your friends? Is it just a common enemy, or does it go deeper than that?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

Friendship – Part 1 – Belief and Trust

This week is dedicated to friendship. The concept of friendship begins in Elementary school and supposedly continues through the remainder of our lives. However, the reality for most of us is that, the older we get, the fewer TRUE FRIENDS we really have. I am blessed to have some true friends in my life. This week is centered around how I think about friendship.

Thought #1: Friends Believe and Trust.

One of the staples of True Friendship in my mind is Belief and Trust. As a friend, I want to be a believer in my friends. I see it as my role, as a friend, to be a cheerleader for my friends’ hopes and dreams! I want them to know that I am behind them and pushing!!!

A second step of belief is trust. I want my friends to know that I trust them. Trust is the backbone to great friendships.

When it comes to my friends, it is a huge deal for me to know they believe in me as well. Nothing gives a leader confidence like the belief of a friend. The greatest way my friends show me they believe in me is by the trust they place in my leadership. There is no better feeling then when I call a shot, and my friends support it. That’s true friendship.

? Do you have any “True Friends”?

Rick Warren says, “You don’t need a lot of friends, but the ones you have need to be great ones.”

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn – Part 5

#5: I Revisit It.

As we conclude this week’s blogs about How I learn, the final thought concerns revisiting that which you’ve learned. We human beings are prone to drift. Revisiting what you’re learning makes learning stick long term. 3 thoughts…

1. That which gets inspected gets done. We know this is true when it comes to the people we lead, but it’s also true for what we’re learning as well.

2. Take time to sit and reflect on what you’ve learned. After a message or a conference, take an hour over lunch or early in the morning the next week and revisit what you’ve learned. Pick the 3 things that you need to integrate immediately.

3. Put an appointment on your calendar 60 days from now. Revisit what you’ve learned in 2 months and see if the change you wanted to make has lasted. If not, recommit to it. If so, then move on to the next set of learning you want to focus on.

Hope this has been helpful,

Have a great weekend,

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn – Part 4

#4: I Apply it.

A fourth thought on how I learn is to not miss the application. As humans, we’re addicted to information. The problem is not getting our hands on information. Because let’s face it, if we want to learn, we can get information anywhere. The more difficult part of learning is crossing over to the application side of the equation.

3 ways I think about applying what I’m learning.

1. True Openness. All application starts here. Are we willing to relearn that which we think we already know? If so, then application can flow easily. If not, then all the information in the world won’t make a difference.

2. Honest Assessment. Are we willing to take a good, hard look at how we’re leading and what we’re doing? Are we willing to be honest about where we are? Because after all, if we don’t know where we are, we can never get where we want to go.

3. Course Correction. Are we willing to change? It’s one thing to learn something. It’s another thing to know where you are. But the final step is to actually make the change. This isn’t always easy. And can take a tremendous amount of energy and time to truly change what you do. But it’s worth it.

? How are you doing at the application piece of learning?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn – Part 3

#3: I Ask Questions.

This week we’re talking about How I have Learned to Learn in my leadership journey. The third thing I have learned to do is Ask Questions. Again, this may sound elementary, but the reality is the person who knows how to ask questions knows how to learn. 3 Thoughts…

1. People are a deep well & questions are the way to mine out the good stuff. Most people are a deep well of great thoughts, insights and experiences, however the vast majority of people will never just offer up those insights without questions.

2. Asking Great Questions is an Artform. I often have people tell me that I ask great questions. I’ll be honest with you, I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about the kinds of questions that elicit detailed responses. I try hard to remember the questions that fall flat and only get a Yes or No response. Those questions get thrown out of my head, as much as possible.

3. I have 10 Questions ready at all times. Because I never know when a learning opportunity will arise, I have 10 general questions in my mind that I can rely on at any minute. Here are 10 easy ones…

1. Tell me your story…
2. Tell me about your strengths…
3. Tell me about your weaknesses…
4. Tell me about your team…
5. Tell me about your greatest success.
6. Tell me about your regrets.
7. Tell me what you’re learning right now…
8. If you were me, what would you do about…
9. How do you spend your time…
10. Who are you listening to / reading right now?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn – Part 2

#2: I Translate it Down.

A second skill I have acquired in this process of Learning as a Leader is the ability to translate down. Let me explain. When watching or listening to someone who is ahead of you on a leadership or organizational level, it’s easy to be overwhelmed with thoughts of, “We could never do that!!!” or “it must be nice to have all those resources or money to do that…”

In order to translate down, I’m looking for 3 things:

1. Transferable Principles. Just because another organization may have more resources or money or manpower, doesn’t mean that what they’re doing can’t be transferred to your organization. The secret is to find the hidden principles that are in play. In our organization we call this, “The Why behind the What and How.” Too often we only look at the What or How, instead we need to understand Why they are doing what they’re doing the way they’re doing it.

2. Invisible Indispensables. There’s always more than meets the eye when it comes to learning. I am always looking for those things that are often hidden beneath the surface of a teaching. This is not always easy to do, but it’s worth it. Here’s another way we refer to it: What’s the story behind the story.

3. How can I take the Why and use it at my level? Maybe you don’t have the finances or manpower to do what they’re doing exactly as they do it, but give yourself permission to think of a different How but the same What.

? On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself at Translating Down what you learn from others who are ahead of you on the leadership journey?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt

How I Learn – Part 1

How I Learn – Part 1

When we think of learning, we often think of it as a given, or automatic. However, great leaders understand that when it comes to learning, there is more than meets the eye. This week is dedicated to examining How I Learn as a Leader.

#1: I Listen.

I am amazed at the number of leaders who are not good listeners. In fact, I would say one of the major temptations leaders face is to do more talking than listening most of the time!

Here are 3 thoughts on how I listen in order to learn:

1. I listen like I’m talking to a mentor. One of the things I’ve trained my mind to do is to listen to teachings or messages by other leaders in a personal way. I try to envision the speaker talking directly to me. I try to keep my focus on myself and not let myself think of someone else who really needs to hear this.

2. I listen more than I talk. Let me say that I Try to listen more than I speak, especially when I’m with someone I admire or look up to in leadership. The temptation as a young leader is to be so consumed with getting my idea heard that I lose the focus on listening.

3. I listen to what’s not being said. So much of listening is non-verbal. I am constantly attempting to hear what the communicator is not saying with their actions. Another piece of this is in attempting to hear through the jargon. Often an accomplished communicator will use terms or phrases that make perfect sense in their head, but to the uninformed listener, can get lost. I always try to take the time to unpack what is being implied but understated by the speaker.

? On a scale of 1 to 10, how adept are you at listening as a leader?

Just a bloggish thought,

Matt